Bozeman Vs. Moab

Bozeman Vs. Moab

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Reuss, Dave

As the snow piles up around Bozeman, the touristy outdoor town of Moab in the deserty south of Utah starts to look like a welcome respite from the cold. But does this climbing and biking haven have what it takes to take down the champion?

National Parks: The world’s largest collection of rock arches against the world’s largest collection of geothermic activity. Hmm. Our attractions are a lot more interactive and explodey, but hoodoos, arches, and mazes of sandstone are pretty damn cool as well. Too close to call. Edge: Tie.

Climbing: From the bouldering playground of Big Bend to the massive desert towers of Castle Valley, Moab makes Bozeman climbing look like the state of Wisconsin—shitty. And just an hour south of Moab lies Indian Creek—a wonderland of world-class crack climbing. Nobody flies 5,000 miles to climb Spare Rib. Edge: Moab.

Weather: A quick glance at average summer highs pits a “gentle breeze kissing your cheek” 83 degrees against a “hot as the devil’s balls” 110. Turns out winters are cold in Moab too, only sans snow. Lame. Edge: Bozeman.

Wildlife: Because it can only support animals that eat dirt and rocks, the Moab ecosystem is comprised mainly of “less than cuddly” creatures. Who had a plush scorpion growing up? Edge: Bozeman.

Popular Culture Overexposure: Turns out, Hollywood loves Moab, shooting tons of movies, TV shows, and commercials around there over the last 50 years. A couple scenes from A River Runs Through It can’t quite stack up against the timeless classic City Slickers 2: The Legend of Curly’s Gold and a Bon Jovi music video. Edge: Moab.

Nightlife: Utah finally got rid of its stupid Bar Membership idea, but 3.2% beer, tiny single shots, and Mormon women still kinda kill the buzz… so to speak. I want a double! Edge: Bozeman.

Score: 3 to 2. Winner: Bozeman! Hell of a try Moab, but cold fingers sound a lot better than sand in the ears (and everywhere else).

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