How True Are You?

How True Are You?

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the (female) editors

It’s an admirable title: a true Bozeman girl. After years of careful research, we’ve devised this simple test to see if you qualify as a bona fide Bozeman lady. Each item in the following list gets you one point; add ‘em up then read what it all means at the end.

You’re a true Bozeman girl if…

  • Your dog weighs more than you do
  • You keep your gear in the closet and your clothes in the garage
  • Your idea of romance is long walks along the Ridge
  • You’ve never been single for more than a month
  • You wax your skis more often than your eyebrows
  • Your Subaru has more bumper stickers than you have shoes
  • You lost your virginity in a tent
  • You don’t carry a purse; you carry a backpack or fanny pack
  • Your only skin-care product is a tub of Vaseline
  • Your idea of a girls’ night out is a ski movie premier followed by bluegrass at the brewery
  • You’d rather camp on the river than stay at a fancy hotel
  • You like French fries and pizza more than salad
  • Your boyfriend teles—and you care
  • You shave your legs less often than your boyfriend shaves his beard
  • You won’t date a man who can’t, or won’t, grow a beard in the fall or winter
  • Your liberal-arts degree comes in handy at your part-time food-service job; but at least you get to live in Bozeman
  • Your nicest necklace is made of hemp
  • You’ve lived with eight other girls in a three-bedroom house
  • You refuse to date a guy if he doesn’t ski
  • You have a dozen recipes for elk
  • You’ve been in a tanning booth wearing only ski goggles and Chacos
  • You justify your drinking by “sweating out the toxins” at Bikram yoga
  • Your idea of shopping is sifting through clearance bins at thrift stores
  • You drive a pickup truck
  • Your only “heels” are the heel lifts on your backcountry skis
  • Your bruises and scars are badges of honor
  • You won’t get a pedicure because it would ruin the calluses
  • You always buy a pass for one of the local ski hills, even if that means eating Ramen and living in poverty
  • You drink whiskey, usually on the rocks or neat
  • You won’t date a man who doesn’t drink whiskey
  • You know how to tie on and cast your own flies
  • You bait your own hooks with slimy nightcrawlers
  • You can change a flat tire on your bike and on your boyfriend’s car
  • You don’t buy new clothes because you’re saving up for that new pair of fat powder skis
  • Your bike, kayak, and skis are worth more than your car
  • You actually know how to use your transceiver and never go skiing without it
  • You keep the sport rack on your car year-round and the kayak on that well into the fall
  • You never miss an issue of Outside Bozeman 

0-9 points: you’re probably a freshman at MSU who’s only reading this copy of Outside Bozeman because it’s the favorite magazine of the guy you’re crushing on. Keep reading O/B and maybe—just maybe—you’ll grow up to be a True Bozeman Girl who doesn’t read something just to impress a boy.

10-19 points: you’ve been around Bozeman for a few years, but you haven’t found your place yet. You have a ski pass to your home mountain, but haven’t branched out and accepted Bozo as your true home. Jump in with both feet, and before long you’ll be a TBG. 

20 or more points: look at you, girl! Bozeman is home: it’s where your friends are your family, and you wouldn’t give it up for anything. In one scenario, you’ve been around the world and decided this is the best there is; in the other, you’ve been here for years and don’t trust change. Either way, you’re the ultimate TBG! 

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