Illustration by Catalin Corrigan
Sveum, Paul
Author’s note: what follows may possibly be viewed as veering into the realm of the apocalyptic, conspiracy-theory-ranting lunatic. If it is taken that way, it is outside of the intent of the author—or maybe not. Read more >>
Reuss, Dave
Haven’t hit puberty yet? Got your beard-growing abilities from your mother’s side? Don’t worry: you have options. Here’s how to blend in with the real beards this season. Costume-Store Covering Read more >>
the (female) editors
It’s an admirable title: a true Bozeman girl. After years of careful research, we’ve devised this simple test to see if you qualify as a bona fide Bozeman lady. Each item in the following list gets you one point; add ‘em up then read what it all means at the end. Read more >>
Pogge, Drew
“Suck it up, you worthless lump of bison dung. You suck. Why can’t you be less of a tool and do something right, for once? Stop bitching you whiny little girl. OH. MY. GOD. You’re terrible! Are you going to cry? Read more >>
the editors
Believe it or not, there are actually people in Bozeman who get genuinely upset when faced with a couple feet of fresh snow. Read more >>
Sprede, Mick
Snobs. You know the type. The people who immediately bring up the fact that their Frisbee-loving buddy “Prince” is a purebred golden retriever, complete with show-winning parents. “I don’t care how many blue ribbons Prince’s mum won at Westminster,” I like to joke. “She’s still a bitch!” Read more >>
the editors
Let's face it: we live in a destination town and tourists are a part of life. Luckily, many of them fly quietly into Belgrade, rent an enormous SUV, and plow screaming into a herd of bighorn sheep before we ever know they’re here. Read more >>
the editors
In the second century BC, Roman invaders of present-day France made great fun of their enemy’s attire—they considered the Gauls’ long trousers intolerably effeminate, compared to their cool and manly tunics. Read more >>
The Editors
There’s no such thing as a free lunch. Read more >>
Wozer, Jeff
Andy Rooney nailed a verbal bulls-eye when he said, “Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don’t need to be done.” Read more >>
Pogge, Drew
Do you like to sweat in cold weather? Do you like to wear tight clothing? Do you like to ski with great difficulty up hills before flailing down on flimsy gear? Do you know what lutefisk is, and how it’s made—and still eat it? Read more >>
Billa Dean Drysdale
Dear Neanderthals,
the editors
Welcome to the Last Old West.1. Pull up your droopy pants. You look like an idiot. Read more >>
Wozer, Jeff
I’m currently suffering from option paralysis. It’s a term penned by author Douglas Coupland meaning “the tendency, when given unlimited choices, to make none.” Read more >>
Metrick, Dee
Every Thanksgiving morning, I stand at the starting line of the Huffing for Stuffing race and wonder if my beak is straight, if my feathers are falling off, and if I’ll stay warm and itch-free. You see, I’m the official female turkey. And how I got here is quite a story. Read more >>
Pogge, Drew
In most parts of the country, the beard is relegated to farcical status, worn only for Halloween or in support of Canadian sporting events. Read more >>
Weight, Casey
I never get laid in the summer. There is very little sex on the riverbanks these days. After all, it’s a hard place to find those types of women. Read more >>
the Editors
As the temperatures cool down, the age-old rivalry heats back up: skiers versus snowboarders. Both have an unjustified sense of superiority over the other, and jokes abound about each type. Read more >>
Pogge, Drew
Anyone can succeed. It takes a rare and special talent, however, to fail—and fail with such gusto that the failure becomes secondary to the triumphant achievement of mere survival. This is the definition of epic failure—where legends are born. Read more >>
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